A Great Day

It's funny how having three children to tote around can make just a couple of things to do become an all day event. I know, I know. Those of you who already have three or more are saying, "Duh!!" It doesn't help that I feel like one of those first time mothers that has to take everything but the kitchen sink on each outing. But the truth is, I do have so much more to carry with us when we go - diaper bag for two; syringes, feeding tube, and the like for each feeding; medications; and portable oxygen tank. I'm sure I've missed a few things, too.

We started our day by going to Jeff City for family pictures. We went to a photographer named Amy Knollmeyer. We had pictures taken of our entire family, just the kids, Josephine with Mom and Dad, and then just Josephine. We are anxious to see the pictures. They should be ready in a week or so.

We also went to Josephine's pediatrician appointment. She's gained a whole ounce!! Yeah! We're up to 3 lbs. 12 oz. He also told us that her "blue" spells are probably due to her digestive system throwing her circulatory/respiratory systems off balance. Basically, as she's trying to pass gas or a bowel movement (sorry if that's too much info), her chest cavity is changing pressure which causes the blood in her heart to move backwards, if you will. Then her body isn't getting the oxygen it needs. Dr. Russell told us that our stimulating her is exactly what we should be doing. He reassured us that nothing we are going to do is going to hurt her or hasten her passing. He told us that when it's her time to go, no amount of stimulation will fix anything, so if stimulation is working right now, keep doing it. We're also to be giving her simethicone drops and pedialyte as needed to help ease any bowel discomfort.

We've also received a number of wonderful packages in the mail during the last couple of days. Josephine's Aunt Lucy sent her some booties. They are adorable! I think she'll have to wear socks with them though. Her Aunt Jeanne sent the above dress, slip, bloomers and bonnet. Jon's nicknamed them her "Angel Robes." This is what Josephine will be buried in. They are beautiful, and we are very grateful for Jeanne's talent and her thoughtfulness. Aunt Mary sent gifts for Marian and James as well. They each got a pendant with Josephine's birthstone. Marian wore hers during our pictures today. James will have his put in a safe place until he is old enough to appreciate it! :)

Well, tomorrow is another day. We've been so blessed to have so many! I'll post tomorrow's adventures tomorrow evening!

Two Week Birthday!!

We're a little behind on posting for yesterday. We ended up running some errands and such. None of that is as important as the fact that yesterday was Josephine's two week birthday! Such an amazing two weeks it has been, too! A lady from church brought Josephine a birthday cake and as you can see, it was amazing! Almost too pretty to cut into.... almost. We are very thankful that she was so thoughtful.

Last night starting around 2 am and all day today has been more eventful. Josephine has had quite a few of her "blue" spells. She just stops breathing. It's not like she's gasping for breath; it's more like she just forgets to breathe. We spend the next 30-45 seconds (which seems like hours) stimulating her by rubbing her back and tummy or thumping the bottoms of her feet. We also give her "blow by" oxygen. We don't put an oxygen mask on her face, but we put an oxygen mask on her chest to give her some oxygen-rich air. We've been giving her oxygen off and on all day, both during her spells and after. We're not sure what this means. Hopefully, the pediatrician will be able to give us some info tomorrow. In the meantime, my mom is spending the night with us to help Jon and me get some rest. The three of us will be rotating shifts through the night to keep an eye on Miss Josephine.

We also had Family Home Evening tonight with Marian. We've been planning to do this since Monday, but somehow it didn't happen until tonight. Jon gave a short lesson on the Plan of Salvation (new link on the left). Marian took all of it in and understood the basics. Jon was then prompted to go ahead and tell Marian more about Josephine. Marian was quite upset, and understandably so, to find out that her baby sister will pass away shortly. We were able to remind her that we will be an eternal family and talk to her about how lucky we have been to be able to bring her home and spend time with her. We spoke with her about a few more spiritual things as well, and by bedtime, she was feeling better. She also spent some time just sitting on the couch holding Josephine and loving her. We'll probably give her the book that the social worker in Columbia gave us tomorrow. Jon feels horrible about being the one to tell her, but he said that he felt that it was the right time and felt that Marian should be able to prepare for it. As if you all aren't saying enough prayers for us, would you please remember Marian in your prayers and pray for her to have the same peace and comfort that Jon and I have been blessed with? We are very appreciative of all of your prayers and support. It is because of your prayers thta we have the strength to endure our trials. We can't thank you enough.

13 Days Old

Josephine is 13 days old today. We feel very blessed to have had these last two weeks with her. We are beginning to get a routine here at home. The hardest part of the routine to work out has been the night feedings. I think we've got something worked out though. One of us is feeding Josephine at 11 pm and 5 am and the other one of us is feeding her at 2 am and 8 am. This gives each of us at least five hours of uninterrupted sleep. Last night was our first trial run - I did the 11 - 5 schedule, so after I fed Josephine, I got Marian up and ready for school. It seemed to work out pretty well, so we'll try it again tonight.

Jon has been spending his time off getting the house winterized. They've started developing the land behind us, so Jon has worked out a deal with the developer to cut the wood. We had just purchased a woodstove before Josephine was born, so he's been working hard to build up a wood supply for the winter. Jon will also be installing our woodstove this week, and reseal the windows and doors.

Marian is riding the bus to and from school during my leave. She has been very excited. We are so very proud of her and all that she has accomplished in Kindergarten already. Just a little brag... she's in the first grade reading group, and really loves to write and read. She's been a helpful big sister, and loves to sit on the couch holding Josephine.

James has been doing very well being at home with Josephine and me. We've only had one incident.... James was really wanting to hold his baby sister, and she was sitting in her swing. I walked in the living room to find that somehow he had already pulled her blanket out from under her (magician in the making?) and was trying to figure out just how he should go about picking her up. I was able to convince him to let me help him and directed him to the couch where he could safely hold and love on his sister. James has shown no signs of being jealous of Josephine. Many people warned me that he would, but he is so loving towards her. He frets everytime she cries, and has been very interested in her feedings. It's wonderful to see how much he loves her.

I have just been doing the little things around the house - light housework and taking care of Josephine mainly. I'm only taking my ibuprofen twice a day as needed for some tenderness at my incision site. Otherwise, I'm feeling very well.

On Friday, we will be going to the pediatrician for another check up. We're trying to keep a close eye on her weight. I'm thinking it's about time to up the amount we're feeding her. She's started getting fussy as we get close to feeding time, but as soon as we fill her belly, she's happy again.

We are also going to Jeff City to have pictures done on Friday. We were introduced to a service called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" earlier this week. They are a non-profit organization that works with photographers to provide photographs at no charge to families who lose a child in infancy. They do some amazing work. I've posted their link to the left. Feel free to check them out.

During the last week, we have been very blessed to have women from church providing meals for us. We are very appreciative, and they have been delicious!! So thank you to those who have already brought us meals and an early thank you to those of you who have volunteered to bring meals later. It has been a relief to have one less thing to think about! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Trailing clouds of Glory

I am one of those people who once awake cannot fall back to sleep. So, since it was my turn to feed Josephine I sat and watched her for a while. Most of the time Josephine sleeps. It seems that just simple processes of respriration and digestion seem to use up all of her strength. This morning however she was bright eyed, and looking around. I know every parent feels this way, but Josephine is truly a beautiful little girl. As I held her I was wondering what sort of things she could posibbly be thinking or experiencing. In a way I began to think of my Father, Owen Bennion, who passed away this January. He was the kind of man who loved little children, he must have he and my mother, Lenore Wood Bennion, had thirteen of them. I remembered him talking about where little children come from, and how wonderful and precious they are. He would often quote from William Wordsworth and say something like "they come trailing clouds of Glory." Like too much of what my father said I didn't pay much attention to this, but as I sat here holding my daughter, I decided to find out what the real quote was and the context that Wordsworth had said it in. If you have never read Wordsworth's Ode "Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood" here is a link. http://www.bartleby.com/101/536.html The part my father often quoted is this:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

I know that Josephine is not just some genetic mistake, some construction of eons of evolution. She is a spirit daughter of our Father in Heaven, who has left his presence to come to earth to gain a mortal body. I know that her problems and disabilities are not a curse either, but are in truth a blessing. She will never loose her innocence. She will never loose the purity which she brought from our premortal home.

We each owe a death. This is simply part of life. And it is through death that we partake in one of the greatest of Christs miracles, the resurection. Christ has broken the bonds of death for us. I know as did the prophet Job that,"For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God."

Josephine is a wonderful little girl. She gave her mother and I quite a scare today, when she quit breathing again. The thought of her leaving terrifies me, as it does her mother, but we are greatful to know that through the atonement of our Savior she will live again, as will we all, and that through the blessings of the Temple we will be reunited as a family for all eternity.

I love this little girl, more than I could ever express. Clara and I were discussing the likelyhood of having more children and the odds of having another baby with Trisomy. As she was looking up the diferent numbers on the internet she came across the number of pregnancies that are terminated. We each must make our own choices and live with the concequences. I for one am greatful for the eleven days of joy we have had so far with this precious little infant. We are humbled and honored to be entrusted with this gift, and to help Josephine gain her mortality.

Jonathan Bennion

First Big Outing

Josephine went out for the first time today to her first official outing... church. Normally, I don't take newborns to church for the first couple of weeks, but knowing that her time with us is short, I felt it important that Marian and James (and Jon and me) experience church together as a family. (Plus, I know a number of ladies that would hurt me if they didn't get to lay their eyes on her at least once! :P) It was wonderful to sit together as a family and listen to the testimonies of the congregation today. I've been struggling the last few days with some awful thoughts and feelings of hoping and wondering if I had truly done all that I could to make sure that we were, in fact, an eternal family. Isn't it awful how Satan will tempt us and try us even when we are already in the midst of adversity? As soon as I walked into the chapel today, I felt a rush of the Spirit that remained with me throughout the entire meeting. It was wonderful to feel my Heavenly Father answering my prayer that yes, indeed, I was doing everything required of me to have my eternal family.

Our Relief Society lesson was on expressing gratitude, and at one point, we discussed expressing gratitude to our Father in heaven even in adversity. If it hadn't been for this week, I'm sure I wouldn't have given this topic much thought. But, today I realized just how much this week has helped increase my faith, testimony, and gratitude. My relationship with my Heavenly Father and in my Savior, Jesus Christ, has strengthened. My relationship with my husband has strengthened, and my relationship to my older two children has strengthened. I am grateful to have the opportunity to strengthen these relationships. They are truly the most important relationships in my life. I am grateful that my eyes have been opened to the reminder of how important these relationships are to me. I am grateful that in my adversity, Heavenly Father has blessed me to be able to see the wonderful things that are happening as well. I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to increase my faith by having to so fully rely on my Father in heaven. I just reinforces the knowledge that my Heavenly Father in aware of my happiness and my trials, and wants to be in both parts of my life.

I had planned to bear my testimony during church today, but once the time came, decided not to. So I hope you all don't mind if I take a few lines to share my thoughts with all of you.

I know that my Heavenly Father loves each of us, and bears our burdens with us. He is truly our Father in heaven. I know that we have been blessed with the fullness of the gospel. I know that in this restoration we have been given the opportunity and privilege to participate in sacred ordinances in the temple, and that it is only through these sacred sealing ordinances that we are able to have the blessings of eternal marriage and an eternal family.

I have a testimony of the priesthood. I am thankful that there are worthy priesthood holders in my life that can administer to my children and to me. It was such a wonderful experience to have those wonderful men show up or call at just the right time that they were needed to perform those blessings. It happened on more than one occasion this week. We needed to administer to Josephine before she went to Columbia, and Mike Lawhead called exactly at the right time to be able to do that. I needed a blessing once I was in Columbia, and Jon's old roommate, Eric Downs, called and visited out of the blue. We were afraid that Josephine wouldn't be coming home, and our other college friend, Clark Andelin, was there so he and Jon could give Josephine a name and a blessing. Each time, we were blessed with exactly what we needed. With this, I know also with utmost surety that our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and answers our prayers and blesses us with exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. What a wonderful blessing!

I pray that each of you who read this will be blessed with the Spirit, even the Spirit of comfort and know what joy the gospel of Jesus Christ will bring into your life. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Ten days old.

Today is day ten since Josephine was born. It was a great day. As you can see Grandpa Woody came to town from Ohio. Along with him came Grandma Teresa and Aunt Connie and Uncle Sam. Their visit was short, but very sweet and tender. How is it that a girl with such little fingers can so easily twine such a big man around her little one. The big kids got to visit and play with Uncle Sam and Clara got to visit and have some much needed girl talk with Aunt Connie and Grandma Teresa. (somehow I just can't fill that bill) As for me Woody and I were able to talk man to man and get some work done around the place. I have a long way to go to get the place ready for winter. I think I will take next week and get everything winterized. We were sad to see them go, and many a tear was shed at their leaving.

We also got phone calls from three of my seven sisters. It was very nice to speack with them. I was very touched by their concern for me and my wife and children. This ordeal is certainly tierra incognita for Clara and I, but sadly not for my sweet sister Annie. One of her eleven children passed away in infancy. It was very comforting to have someone who knows my pain and fear, who has walked the road I am on, and can council me on how to weather the aproaching storm. May the Lord bless all those who have given so freely of their aid and compassion. We pray for you all.

As a side note we finnaly added some music to this site. I am not very adroit at this sort of thing and have not found a way to have the songs come on automaticaly, but if you click on the icon at the bottom of the page you may listen to a selection of lullabys , hymns and songs we like to play for Josephine.

Good to be home.

What can a father say, I am very proud of my children. I begin to understand the 127th psalm where it says, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: " For those of you who don't know me I am the youngest of thirteen children and Josephine is grandchild (including great grandchildren) number one hundred and two for my mother. It is humbling to think that the Lord has entrusted the care of His precious spirit children into my unworthy hands. Parenthood is a very serious business. One of the past presidents of our church said, "No other sucess can compensate for failure in the home." My hope and prayer is that along with Clara we can help these little ones find the way back to their Father in Heaven.