Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wow! We're busy!

Time really seems to get away from you when you're running in a hundred different directions. Being back to school has definitely kept me busy. There is always so much to do. I won't even begin to tell you about how many meetings they keep us busy with.

Jon has really jumped into teaching. He's really enjoying it, and he likes being at Iberia High School. It's a small school, so he's really able to get to know everyone there. Small schools are great to teach at. They can have their downs just like any other school, but I am grateful that I was able to begin my teaching career at a small school.

Marian got her hair cut the other day. She was sooooo excited. I don't think I've even taken a picture yet! I'll have to post one. She looks even older now, and she loves her "big kid" haircut. She has been reading up a storm, so much and so often that we've been forgetting to fill out her reading log for school! Gonna have to get on that!

James is just getting cuter by the minute. He's really putting sentences together now. Although, sometimes, they are still unintelligible! Over a week ago, he brought a balloon home from a store. After being hit in the face with it numerous times, Jon popped it. James has still not forgotten it. Just this morning, while we were getting in the van to head to Nicki's, he looked at me and said, "Daddy pop mine balloon." I guess we'll have to make sure we get him another one!

Other than juggling things at school, I've been busy with my Mary Kay business. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things, so I've been slowly booking facials and classes just to get back in practice of being in front of someone again. So if any of you are interested in a facial or a color makeover, just let me know. No obligations! I just need the practice again! ;)

This has really become quite an online journal for me, so please bear with me as I express myself....

Josephine seems to be more on my mind the last couple of days. I can't even express how much I miss her. I get up every morning knowing that I need to keep going, especially for my other two beautiful children. It still seems surreal that all of this has happened. I never dreamed that I would endure something like this during my life. And I certainly never dreamed that I could survive and be as strong as I have been able to be. I imagine that my first trip back to the temple will be rather emotional, especially as I sit in the Celestial Room. Jon and I are planning to go to the St. Louis temple and have a couple's getaway over Valentine's weekend. I can't wait to go and to feel the peace and comfort that is present there. I can't wait to sit in the Celestial Room and feel close to my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

At times, it seems like the two months we had Josephine were a dream. Then at other times, it seems strange that she's gone. Many times, my arms and heart just ache to hold her, to hold a baby. I wondered if having another baby as soon as Dr. Schwartz clears me would help that, and I think it could possibly, but I also realized that much of the ache is for her, not just another baby. There is no replacing her. I'm sure I'll know when the time is right to have another one. All three of the others had no qualms in letting me know and giving me a little nudge. :)

Well, I think I've rambled enough for tonight. Love and blessings to each of you!


Anonymous said...

I cannot possibly imagine what you are going through, but please know that we are hear to listen. I'm always glad to see when you have posted. I'm glad to hear that you're getting back into the swing of things. Your trip sounds like it will be refreshing- I think it's a great idea! I can't wait to see pics of Marian's haircut- I bet she looks sweet!!!! Have a blessed day!

Marylois said...

beautiful comments, Clara. How wonderful it will be for you in the temple. Josephine can be close to you there as well.

Jen Sue Wild said...

I have been reading your blog since Lucy told me about Josephine.
I have held back on commenting until now.

I am so glad that you are expressing your sadness of not having baby J here on earth to raise. Even with the knowledge of eternal families are spirits still morn and ache for our babys that we half to wait to raise until later.
Yet with this journey you will learn so many thing that you could not have with out heart each and pain of the loss of a child.

I know for me the first time I went to the Temple after the loss of our son William it was so bitter sweet. I cried the whole time not because I was sad but because I was joyous that I could not only feel my father in heavens love for me but also William. I felt him very close to me. It as such a sweet special gift.

smiles and Hugs Jenn

prashant said...

I'm always glad to see when you have posted. I'm glad to hear that you're getting back into the swing of things. Your trip sounds like it will be refreshing- I think it's a great idea!
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