Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Abundance of Blessings

I've decided that it's time to start writing again. I've had many people tell me that they miss my blog. To be honest, I've felt like after Josephine, I didn't have anything to write that would interest anybody. I guess I'm wrong. I will warn you, that I still talk about Josephine..... A LOT. She is just as much a part of our family now as she was before. James still calls her "his baby," and surprised us the other day by calling her by name with no prompting from us. His 3-year-old speech can be hard to understand, but he said her name so clearly that there was no misunderstanding. James told us the other day that it was time to have a new baby come live with us. I asked him what we should name it. He thought awhile, and then said, "I don't know. You do it." :P

I wish I could put into words the emotions that I feel when I think about Miss Josephine. There is no sadness, no anger, no negative feelings at all. There is only peace, joy, love, and awe. The tears I shed now are for missing her, longing to know her better/more, and for realizing how blessed we were/are to have her in our eternal family. Perhaps there are no words. Perhaps the only way to share this is through my experiences.

My last post was in February. We have accomplished so much and so little at the same time it seems. We've done a few things around the house - planted a (neglected) vegetable garden, remodeled a bathroom, planted a rose garden. The vegetable garden gave us a few things, but we neglected it when we started with the bathroom remodel. (You can check out my pics on facebook.) After you see the before pics, you'll understand why we did the remodel this summer instead of putting up the privacy fence. And the rose garden is for Josephine. We put in three Knockout rose bushes along with a remembrance stone that my best friend, Amanda, gave us at Josephine's funeral. We are going to plant a tea rose in the center to stand out from the others to represent her. We just haven't found the perfect color yet. My favorite is orange, but orange roses are what my husband gives me - they don't represent her. When I see it, I'll know.

I did finally take sometime for myself last spring. It was wonderful to be able to just focus on my Church callings/spiritual nature, my family, and my only other required responsibility, teaching. It really helped me to understand the balance that I need in my life, but so often forget. I'm the type of person that when I'm working on a goal, I tend to go overboard on how much time I spend on it. And of course, that knocks everything else out of wack! We don't function well when I do things like that!

It was during this time that I found out I was pregnant again. Surprise to us! But unfortunately, it wasn't to be. At my 7 1/2 week appointment, I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. I decided to wait for a natural miscarriage, and four weeks later, on Mother's Day, it finally happened. I had many mixed feelings during this time. Still that same peace that I had with Josephine, heartache from another loss, and actually, some relief that I wouldn't have another baby in the middle of the school year! I've decided that is TOO much stress! I threw a pity party for about a week - probably wouldn't have even done that if it hadn't been for the fact that I had about three or four nieces announce their pregnancies that week and one of them happened to have the same due date I had had. So the current plan is to wait until October to start trying again. That will give me a due date of middle to end of June. Kind of a necessity with my new extra duties at school!

Jon and I each finished out the school year; Jon has returned to Iberia as their Spanish and junior high communications teacher. I am still at Camdenton teaching Chemistry A and Biology B this year. Plus, I'm the prom coordinator! I'm really excited about it. I've had a few people tell me I'm crazy, but honestly, I love to plan events like this! I had so much fun planning the Prom at Walnut Grove while I was there. I can only imagine what we'll be able to do here at Camdenton! And now you see why a June delivery is necessary!

Marian is in 1st grade this year. She's such a big kid now. She's enjoying reading chapter books now. She's currently reading Charlotte's Web. I love watching her sit down to read, and being engrossed in her story. She also took an arts and crafts class in June for summer school. Marian LOVES art! She's mentioned a couple of times that she'd like to be an artist or an art teacher.

Well, enough update for tonight. I promise I won't be this long next time! Love to all!

2 comments:

Evelyn said...

Good to hear you guys are well! Have fun with school and prom and the kids! Best wishes,
Evelyn

Marylois said...

Thanks for writing again, Clara. I have been thinking about Josephine too. You know pink is the birthstone color for October. You could do a pink rose for her. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had one of those my first pregnancy. Your planning prom sounds like lots of work. I'm sure you'll have great ideas. I'd love to hear your plans.